Dealing with a toxic person


The toxic people in our lives are ALWAYS difficult to deal with.  While we are exposed to these people in every facet of our lives, encountering those in our families is often the hardest.

Toxic people are ABUSIVE.  Often, emotional abuse can be MORE damaging to us than physical abuse.  This is easy to excuse away and even blame ourselves for it.  Unfortunately, if we are going to live a joyous life, we have to make the hard decision to deal with them.

I seem to find myself giving the same advice over and over again to people dealing with the toxicity in their lives.  Here goes:

Work on your own "stuff".  I am a big fan of personal growth.  We all have issues to work through.  It's simply unfair to address the toxic person's issues, when you are not addressing yours.  

  1. Get a good counselor.  Regardless of what happens, you need a counselor to aid you through this.  
  2. Read helpful books.  Two of my favorites in this situation are Codependent No More and Boundaries.  After those, Keep Your Love On is a good complement to them.  
  3. Find a healthy support group.  My church is a huge blessing in this area, if yours isn't I encourage you to find one.  If for some reason church is not an option for you, find a healthy group.  
  4. Conferences on healing can be a good resource as well.

Once you have made some progress in the "self discovery" area, invite the toxic person to their own inner healing journey.  

  1. From time to time, they agree to join you.  If they do, together, you can map your course to a more joyous relationship.  Admittedly, this is rare, but it happens.
  2. If they do not choose to take the trip with you, then it's time to consider your options for appropriate boundaries between the toxic person. The emotionally healthy, healing community can help you with considering these options.

Researching this issue, as you most likely are, is a good start.  Now, it's time to ACT! I wish you all the best in your healing journey.

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